Some of My Thoughts

      I want to share my thoughts and feelings from where I am today, in the middle, looking forward to tomorrow and touching on the past as it relates to where I am today. I look back with a gentle heart full of LOVE remembering the good times. Firstly I love life fiercely and desperately. I have always had a gift of seeing the good bits....a throw of the dice.... Blind determination is the best element of my life. I demand the best of myself. I cannot say that I had a premonition that something was about to happen to me but I knew I was getting ready to change in a big way. You know the feeling I am sure, when you are unhappy and, although you do not know what is about to happen, you know that things cannot go on the way they are. That is how it felt for me living in my home country of Northern Ireland. I do not have all the answers but at least now I know I will take my share of chances. Before I moved to the States, I had reached the point where I was not learning anything new, and had been stagnating. Somewhere during my return to Ireland, (September-December of 1994) I had decided that enough was really enough. I wanted to do something with this life I was given. I also felt that I had to start doing it for myself. I was really disempowered, as everyone was telling me what to do with my life. I could not take it any longer. It was as if one day my eyes opened and I thought to myself, I CAN DO IT! I CAN MAKE A BETTER LIFE FOR MYSELF! I just want to go on from here and make the most of it all. I want to be in charge of my own life and destiny. Then if things work out I can feel accomplished and if they do not, I can at least know I tried. And then I can try again and again. Many people view ambition as a negative quality in an individual. I do not think ambition is bad, it is my very life force, who I really am. I cannot stop, time is moving too fast and I have too many things I want to do . I think once you stop wanting to create, wanting to work and push forward, you become old and then you die...........if you know where you are going, you can make it magical! I never really like to look back. I like to move forward. Life has not been easy living here in America recently, but it has been good to me on occasion, and I am very thankful. I hope that this gives you an idea or just a touch on who I really am. I look forward to more wonderment in my young life. Now I do not think that I am running away from anything, I know that I am running toward something exciting........ We do not get that much time on this planet, and unless a few of us make an effort to change ourselves for the better it just will not happen. We all have had experiences that are not always good, sometimes frustrating and crushing, but positive good grows out of negative situations. I admit being negative towards quite a lot in my young life, but, after a while you learn to become a positive thinker and enjoy being alive.......... I have now the power to let my views on life heal me in a way nothing else seems to do...... I want to undo the damage that has been done. A percentage of the friends I have made over the years in entertainment all have a common, self centered goal, all having to do with fame and stardom. It is times like this that I am sorry to be one of the few idealists. You must experience failure before success.... I have done and in more ways than one! Regrets are an appalling waste of time and energy....you cannot build on them, they are only good for wallowing in. They will hold you back and prevent the most wonderful things from happening to you in your life. Time has displayed to me that the bottom line is that I am responsible for my own happiness. The choices and decisions I make daily, directly influence the quality of my days. I have stopped looking for scapegoats in my life, and at last, I have learned to face the truth within' myself, and right my own wrongs. I want to go far beyond where I am right now as I have discovered that life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. Life is too short not to take chances and live..... Now I see every difficulty as a challenge, a stepping stone, and I will never be defeated by anything or anyone! It sounds ironic I guess, but until you free those monsters within' yourself, your life and soul are up for grabs...so to speak! There are really only two ways to approach life, as victim, or as gallant fighter. You decide if you want to act or react. You must deal your own cards, or play with a stacked deck. And if you do not decide which way to play with life, it always plays with you in the end. With love, all things are possible. I have found that the secret to live your life the way you want to is the simple answer! Just live your life....and smile.... You are loved!